During the days of my struggle, I had a peculiar fear about how I would perform in the future if I achieved my dream goal of getting into some powerful higher posts. This apprehension added to the already existing various other self-doubts that I already had, and this acted as a big mental block.
I used to question myself about my own ability and capacity to act after getting into the dream job that I had aspired for.
Will I be able to do justice to the post?
Should I stop preparing and give some other more eligible person the opportunity to serve in that post?
Am I capable enough to handle that post?
And many more questions arose in my mind.
These self-limiting thoughts came to me due to the impact of the external environment. Over a period of time I was forced to face a lot of humiliating incidents that had hit my morale. I was subjected to ill-treatments so strong that my subconscious mind automatically accepted that I was eligible only to be a servant of some masters. My mental state was that of a slave.
The slave attitude was so strong that whenever I had to go to some office or official buildings, and if I were asked to sit, I would automatically prefer the plastic chairs instead of the cushioned sofas kept there. If there were only plastic chairs, then I would prefer to stand. Also, I would not sit without permission from somebody in that place. The fear of being chided by someone or humiliation was very strong, and my subconscious mind wanted to protect me from such humiliation.
It was very difficult for me to break away from the slave mentality and imagine getting into a top government job.
Luckily for me, one day I met one of my friends who was senior to me and had just joined the Jharkhand Administrative service, and asked him about how he was performing in his present job. I also told him about my own apprehensions.
He told me something that boosted my morale a 1000 times. His words were, “Ek bar power ka dhanda haath mein aayega, toh sab kuch theek ho jayega ” (once the baton of power comes to your hands, everything will be alright). What he was trying to convey was that once I reached a position of power, I would automatically be in another mental state, which would enable me to tackle that situation well.
Later, after joining as Deputy Collector, I heard the same words from my District Collector too (I knew him since the days of Sub Collector). I asked him whether he had any apprehensions about how he would tackle tough situations. The answer that he gave was that he too had such apprehensions earlier, but , the fact is that once a person reaches any higher position,he would automatically perform and give his best, as there is no other alternative. Once you are in a situation where you are the only person responsible for a certain task to be done, you automatically do it. There will be no time for self-doubt, etc.
From my own experience after joining my dream job, I discovered that the words of my friend were true. I had entered another state of mind wherein my mind made me capable of dealing the tough situations much better than my colleagues during tough times. If I had not received the advice that helped me overcome the limiting beliefs at the right time, I would have accepted my defeat and never would have appeared in the exam.
Let me narrate one more incident that helped me overcome my self-doubt. A big boost in morale came one day after I heard the interview of Ms Nalini Netto, former Chief Secretary of Kerala, on some YouTube channel. She told the interviewer that it is enough if a highly non-corrupt person sits in a top post, rather than a corrupt one. Her words gave a paradigm shift in my thoughts. It was like a new revelation. For the first time, I heard someone expressing the opinion that being non-corrupt is the most essential quality for a person to be seated in high positions.
Due to my upbringing and as a soldier in the Indian Air Force, an organisation with high ethical and moral values, I had no doubt that if that was the condition to be met, then certainly I am a very good candidate for the post that I aspired for.
I was lucky enough to watch that video, which gave me a purpose to move forward. A purpose that helped me overcome and forget my self-doubts.
If you are an aspirant desiring deeply to achieve some higher positions in your life, you should be aware of the tantrums of your mind. If you doubt your capabilities of handling a situation in the future, just remember that once you reach that position, you’ll be in a totally different mental state. A state that will be more enabling and help you deal with the situations well.
Hence, you should neglect your present self-limiting thoughts and give positive affirmations to yourself.
